


Letters To Lieutenant Alenko.

by Last_Thing_I_Knew



Series: Letters To Alenko. [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Almost big brother protective like, Almost the rest of the crew does, And Kaidan doesn't know all of them, F/M, Garrus is really protective of Shepard, Kaidan doesn't know about the letters, Mass Effect - Freeform, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3, More tags to be added I guess as I move along, Shepard gains a drinking problem during the series of 2 after Horizon, Shepard getting spaced, Shepard has secrets, Shepard writes letters to Kaidan, Some Fluff, Some Humor, There are some letters from others in here, and to others, but not until around Mass Effect 3, comfort in friends, some ptsd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 20:25:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 6,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15275505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Last_Thing_I_Knew/pseuds/Last_Thing_I_Knew
Summary: A walkthrough of Connor Shepard's life throughout the series, ranging from tales of missions either gone right or awry to tales of things that happen between Shepard and the crew.





	1. Letter One.

“Commander.”

    “Nice to see you Commander.”

    “Back on deck Commander? Anderson is in the comm room.”

    I nod my thanks, pushing past the group of people that have surrounded the docking doors. I manage to get near Navigator Pressly before I’m forced to stop, a man in dark blue armor standing outside the comm doors.

    “Lieutenant Alenko ma’am.” He states, holding out a hand to shake instead of saluting.

    I salute before shaking his hand. “Pleasure, Commander Shepard.” I state in reply to his name and rank.

“Nihlus and Captain Anderson are stationed in the comm room, they’ve instructed I show you to the cockpit so we can update you on the current mission.”

“Noted, lead the way.” I say, pointing behind me, already knowing where the cockpit is, but allowing the kind soldier to show me the way.  

“Yes ma’am.” He replies and begins heading towards the cockpit.

 

* * *

 

 

Alenko,

    I’m not sure how I feel about this mission. I hate to admit it, but, I’m scared. I don’t want a repeat of Acuze, but I feel like I’m about to lose some good people out there.

Commander.

 

* * *

 

“I’ll meet you down there.” Nihlus says as he checks his gun one last time before jumping down.

“Yes sir…” I mumble, trailing off and rolling my eyes.

“Be careful Shepard.” Anderson says as I click the last piece of my armor into place. I smile at him, throwing my assault rifle onto my back where it clicks into place. “Always am Anderson.” I state as we get to the drop zone.

“I’m not kidding Shepard, you’re a good soldier, do good on this mission.” He says sternly, glancing at Jenkins and Alenko as they finish strapping on their weapons.

I line up with the cargo bay door as it opens and shrug. “As I stated before, always.” I say as I fall backwards out of the door landing on the ground, waiting for Alenko and Jenkins to follow behind.

I pause when they land, pulling my pistol out from behind me. “Let’s get started.”


	2. Letter Two.

Alenko,

    I knew we would lose people today, I just wish we didn’t lose both a Spectre and one of my team under my watch. It may seem like I brush off their deaths, but it feels just as bad as losing those fifty marines on Acuze. I know we found Williams, we’re lucky we did, I hope she stays abroad, although we lost Jenkins, we still need someone to take his place, no matter how much we hate it.

    I should have ordered Jenkins back, I shouldn’t have let him get ahead of us, ahead of himself. I was his XO, I knew better… Losing him hit me a great deal, I hate losing my squad.

    I’m glad you were there when I woke up, I needed some support. I know most people when they think of me, “oh that Commander Shepard’s one tough son of a bitch.” But I still need support once in awhile. Especially after Acuze.

    I’m not trying to come off as a whiny, complaint type Lieutenant, but I just want you to understand where I’m coming from.

Commander.


	3. Letter Three

Alenko,

    When you told me you would never get used to seeing dead civilians, I wasn’t sure how to react, I knew I should agree, but at this point it seems as if that’s all I see anymore in this line of duty. Can’t say I’m okay with it, but I can sure as hell say it never gets any easier.

    When you stated we’re marines, you’re right, but I’m beginning to believe I see you as more than that, and that honestly scares me.

    I’m not looking forward to speaking with the council, they always find ways around one's words, I hate that. It feels like someone’s taking away a piece of you, and it’s not a good piece.

Commander.


	4. Letter Four.

Alenko,

When you asked if I had a minute, I was honestly terrified, whenever someone asks that of me, it’s usually to ask advice. The last time someone asked me that it was one of my best friends who died on Acuze, his name was Symon. Damn he was a fucking idiot, loved some girl named Kyera, little did he know she was using him to get to me. A little cruel if you ask me, but I was honestly never interested.

I can’t believe I actually attempting flirting with you once I realised you weren’t going to ask me for love advice, although I’m glad I did, seeing as you quickly started flirting back. I’m happy that you told me about “brain camp.” It sounded terrible and I wish you didn’t have to go through that at all.

I wish I could save you, but I’m not sure if it’s you that needs saving… Or myself.

Shepard.


	5. Letter Five

Alenko,

My heart must have skipped five beats when you called me Shepard instead of Commander, it was surprising, I wasn’t sure what that feeling was, it’s been forever since I’ve felt something like it. I mostly can’t believe I caught myself and picked up that “flirty” tone, I wasn’t aware I was capable of that.

There’s definitely no bad signals, none that I know of anyway. I wish I could basically just up and say that, but I don’t think I can. Is this against regulations? God I hope not.

P.S. I’m sure it is, but fuck what they think, I’d rather be happy, than dismissive.

Shepard.


	6. Letter Six

“Shepard let me drive for the Mako’s sake.” Garrus says as I run over another rock by accident.

“It’s not my fault Garrus! This thing’s really hard to drive!” I protest, slowing the Mako down in an attempt to avoid another rock, chuckling softly to myself when Kaidan and him both grasp the handlebars above their heads.

“Commander for all our sakes…..Let Garrus drive! Please!” Kaidan begs, his head slamming against the sidewall as we fall from a cliff.

I sigh, putting the Mako in park. “Fine.” I say, admitting defeat and moving to the back of the Mako, sitting across from Kaidan and pulling out a pad of paper and a pen from my pack. “Got any stories from Acuze?” He asks as I sit down.

I shake my head, setting the pad of paper in my lap. “No.”

“What are you writing?” He asks as Garrus starts the Mako back up.

“My thoughts.” I say as I press the pen to the paper.

 

* * *

 

Kaidan,

I know you want to know what happened on Akuze, everyone does. When he threatened about knowing what happened, he didn't. I didn't want him to die, it wasn't my choice. He made it…. I'm so sorry, maybe someday I'll tell you… I hope you understand.

You're currently staring at me writing this while Garrus drives us back in the Mako, I think he's getting sick of my “avoiding” skills. Whoops, sorry Lt and to all of my crew who watches me nose dive into those potholes. Heh. Wrex enjoys them though.

Shepard.

 

* * *

 

 

I sigh, putting the pen inside the pad of paper and throwing it back in my pack as Garrus stops the Mako. I grab my helmet and put it on. “Let’s go.”


	7. Letter Seven.

Kaidan,

That was disgusting, I'm never going to get that smell out of my armor, ever. Ugh.That smell was not something I needed in my life.

I'm glad we saved that Asari, I'm also glad we got some answers, we needed some. That fucking hurt though, I didn't need that, but we needed that knowledge, I know you were concerned. So was Garrus. I don't think I'll ever get used to people caring… I can only hope to learn.

Shepard.


	8. Letter Eight

“I’m not wearing this Shepard.” Garrus says as I hand him the pack of Phoenix armor.

    “C’mon Garrus, what are you Turian?” Ashley says, chuckling at the pun she made.

    Garrus looks at her confused but grabs the pack of armor out of my hands. “Fine.”

    “Are you really doing this Commander?” Kaidan asks as he and I lean against the Mako.

    I shrug, shoving my hands into my pockets. “It’s better than his current armor, I didn’t know it was pink when I ordered it alright. Maybe they just sent the wrong colour.”  
    “With all due respect ma’am, it’s the Alliance. They don’t tend to mess up.” Ashley states, checking the barrel of one of her guns.

    I shrug, lifting my head when I hear Garrus come out from behind the Mako.

    “I don’t think I need to embrace my feminine side Shepard.” He states, resting his hands on his hips with a crooked smile.

    Kaidan hides a chuckle behind a cough. “Actually Garrus, I think it suits you. Should we paint your rifle to match?” He jokes.

    Garrus growls, running a hand over his face. “Let’s just go and get this over with.”

 

* * *

 

Kaidan,

I still can't believe I conned Garrus into wearing that pink armor. “I don't think I need to embrace my feminine side Shepard” will now forever be my favourite quote. God, sometimes you need laughs like that.

Shepard.

* * *

 

 

    I crack my knuckles as we reboard the Normandy, shivering when talons grip my shoulder.

    “Next time we land. We’re getting new armor.” Garrus growls as he limps towards the lift to the shuttle bay.

    I chuckle softly. “I love this crew.” I state as I follow him to the lift.


	9. Letter Nine

Kaidan,

Garrus stated that I need to find a new armor for him, so off to the citadel we go I'm afraid. I think we should pick up some tea, that coffee Joker makes is atrocious. Don't you agree?

Shepard.


	10. Letter Ten

Kaidan,

After the awkwardness between Liara and I, did I tell you that? She likes me, admires me. Although I do not feel the same, I tried to let her down easy and know all we talk about is everything. It's been awhile since I've participated in “girl talk” but I'd like to think that's what this is. I told her about how Ashley invited me for a drink, but I don't drink, I try to stay away from it, I'm not a huge fan. I told Liara I'm having nightmares… they're getting bad, almost terrifying. I haven't slept well in quite awhile. I'm sorry to be bothering you with this Lt. But I'm sure you'd like to know, I'd expect the same from you.

Shepard.


	11. Letter Eleven

* * *

Kaidan,

I was honestly surprised when you told me about Rahna, I didn’t expect you to tell me much, but I’m glad you did. 

What happened to Vyrnnus wasn’t your fault, I know you’re still going to agonize over it, but it was in no way your fault. You only wanted to protect someone you cared about. I’m glad you had someone back then. I want to be there, Chakwas told me you got a headache last night, so bad you didn’t sleep, I wish you’d tell me, I wouldn’t have taken you with me on that mission today. Next time we’re on the citadel, I’ll take you to this quiet little cafe I know. You’ll enjoy it, they have  _ good _ coffee, you should be happy, it’s Canadian dark. It’s lovely and honestly, been my favourite for years.

Shepard.

 

* * *

 

Kaidan,

It’s nice to know we both prefer tea over coffee. I’ll pick up some hibiscus next time we land. I think you’ll like it.

Shepard.

 

* * *

 


	12. Letter Twelve

The door opens as I hold my hand over my mouth, concealing my yawn. 

“Alenko, drink the water it will help.”

I look up at the sound of Chakwas smooth voice, I cock my head to the side when I see Kaidan sitting down at the table, Chakwas standing next to him. 

“I’m fine, just need some sleep.” He says, waving her off.

“If the headaches are getting worse than I’m going to have to recommend shore leave Alenko.” 

“I’m fine Chakwas really. I-”

He’s interrupted when I trip over the power cable I have running to my cabin to power up a light I don’t need. 

“Comman-”

“Sorry for interrupting.” I state quickly before running back to my cabin.

I slam my head against the door once it shuts behind me. “Goddamnit Connor, can you be anymore stupid.” I grumble to myself as I walk back towards the bed and flop on it.

I reach down the ground, pulling out my pen and paper before turning on the side lamp and writing.

 

* * *

 

Kaidan, 

I realised I’ve always signed these things off as Shepard, or Commander. Never my actual name, I’ll have to remember to tell you before the final mission… Just in case, you know.

Feros, and Noveria have been, just quick. It seems time’s passing far too quickly for my liking, can’t say I like it.

I came out of my cabin just now to get something to drink and I saw you sitting at the table, staring at a glass of water. Chakwas was with you, trying to get you to drink it, but you were just so damn stubborn. You saw me and all I could think to do was quickly rush back to my cabin, great. Now you can call me your crazy XO stalker. I’m sorry if that made me seem like an idiot.

I really do wish you'd tell me when you have a headache, I don’t think I’m going to take you on that mission to that cold planet tomorrow, I’m going to order you to sleep, I’m not sure how much later you were up last night, but I’m sure you need the rest, you certainly deserve it.

Shepard.

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re staying Lieutenant.” I state as I walk into the locker rooms, Liara and Garrus trailing behind me. 

“But Commander.” He says, leg armor half on, belt hanging loose at his front. 

Garrus chirps at Liara and they both walk towards their lockers. I sigh and cross my arms. My leg and waist armor clicking together as I move. “You’re staying and that’s an order Lieutenant.” I state, leaning on my hip, groaning slightly when Wrex throws my chest armor at me.

Kaidan sighs and stands, pulling me to the side. “If this is about last night, I’m perfectly fine Shepard.”

I shake my head, glaring at the floor, staring at how close our feet are. “I would say it’s not Kaidan, but I get migraines too and they hurt like hell. So no, you’re staying here.  That’s an order from your commanding officer.” I growl out the last bit, not happy with having to order him to stay. “Stay, rest up, I’ll take you on the next mission… I promise.” I say, laying my hand on his shoulder and smiling. 

He sighs, but nods. “Yes Shepard.” He says, walking back over to the bench and proceeding to take off his leg armor. 

“Docking in two minutes Commander.” Joker says through the ship comm.

I reach my hand up to my comm, “thanks Joker.”   
“Always.” He states before the comm turns to static.

“Let’s go people.” I state as I make my way back to the elevator, offering Kaidan one last smile before the door closes.


	13. Letters Thirteen and Fourteen.

I work on stabilizing the straps to my leg armor as I work my way up my leg, clicking the set-ups together to seal it. A soft laugh brings me out of my clicking zone and causes me to look up.  
    “Really LT? You’re sure that’s how that went?” Ashley says as she crosses her arms and enters the room.

Kaidan looks almost offended for a moment as he crosses his arms as well. “We all watched you get drunk on the Citadel Chief, so don’t even try that on me.” He says, walking to his locker and entering the code to open it. Looking at it surprised when he finds a new assault rifle in it, but grabbing it without questioning it.

I don’t even notice that I’m glaring at the two of them until a talon knocks me in the back of the head. “If you stare any harder Shepard, Ashley’s going to have a hole in the back of her head.” Garrus says amused.

I growl at him, grabbing my wrist locks and sliding them on before standing and connecting my waist armor to the armor on my thighs. “Back off Garrus, I’m not in the mood.”

“What? Still getting nothing from Alenko?” He chirps in amusement, yelping and ducking when I toss my shoulder guard at him. Hard.

“Why so feisty Commander?”

I snap my head away from Garrus at the sound of Kaidan’s voice. “Garrus and I are just rough housing. Isn’t that right Garrus?”

I turn my head and look at him, glaring slightly and mouthing ‘ _later_ ’ to him as I turn back and smile at Kaidan.

I grab my helmet and pull it on my head. “Let’s go guys. Daylight’s wasting.” I say as I move to the Mako, Jokers laughter not going unheard as we enter the vehicle.

 

* * *

 

Kaidan,

We're headed to Virmire and I was sitting in the locker room pulling on my leg gear when you walked in with Ashley, I never thought I was the jealous type. And although I know she has no feelings for you, it still sent a pang of jealousy through me, so much Garrus had to knock a talon against my head god am I an idiot? Are things going to work out. I hope to god we get Saren, otherwise I'm gonna be missing you.

Shepard.

 

* * *

 

“No time Commander. You know what you’re doing.” Ashley says through the intercom.

“Ash, I’m sorry.” I say sadly, leaning against the railing and letting my head hang, Garrus setting a hand on my shoulder as Tali checks our surroundings.

“Go after him Commander. Trust me, I’ll be fine.” She says, Garrus’ talons gripping my shoulder guard trying to pull me away from the railing as I hang over a bit too far.

“Ash, I’m sorry.” I whisper again as I stand up straight. “Kaidan, we’re coming back, hold on.” I state into the comm, grabbing my pistol from behind my back and working back towards the elevator.

“Shepard, I understand. I’d make the same call.” Ash states as the doors start shutting.

“It shouldn’t have to be like this.” I murmur, running my hand over my helmet.

“But it is, take down Saren for me. For that Jenkins you told me so fondly about. Do it for the galaxy Commander. I know you won’t let me down.” She says as her comm turns to static and I hear a few orders from her before the comm goes dark.

Garrus lays his hand back on my shoulder, offering some comfort before the doors open.

I shake my head, cocking the pistol. “Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

Kaidan,

We lost Ash, goddammit. I’m pissed she was ready to kill Wrex, I had it handled! She knew I wouldn’t allow it. I’m glad I managed to sway Wrex’s opinion before it came to a fire fight, but… I am mad we lost Ash, I should have fought to keep you both, my first instinct was to go after you… You asked me why I left her and I didn’t want to, truly, but my first priority was to keep you safe. 

I think I’ve fallen way too hard for you LT. I don’t think I’m going to be coming back from this. Your humor and looks are keeping me here and keeping me grounded, there will be time for me to grieve later, right now. I need to focus on stopping Saren, for Jenkins and Williams, I owe it to her family. 

I’ll have to remember to send a letter to them, how am I supposed to tell them that I lost their daughter and sister. I promised them I’d keep her safe… I’m falling Kaidan, and I’m scared to fail.

Shepard.

 

* * *

 


	14. Letter Fifteen

“I know Garrus, but what about lowering the Eezo count, would that help anything?” I ask from under the Mako as he looks at the terminal.

He shakes his head, offering me a wrench. “No, it’d overheat even more than before.” He states, scrolling through a few things before laying his hands on the keyboard. “Maybe it’s hopeless.”

“Nothing is hopeless.” I state as I throw the wrench out from under the Mako and hold my hand back out. “Screwdriver.” I ask, nodding when it enters my hand and I tighten the screws around the manifold to hold it in place.

I slide out from under the Mako and wipe some of the oil off my face, not really doing anything but smearing it everywhere, but it helped a little.

“Well it’s fixed for now, why’d we let Tali drive?” I ask, wiping my hands on the rag sticking out of my pocket.

He shrugs, leaning against the terminal stand. “Why do we let you drive?” He questions, pointing at the scrapes we haven’t buffed out of the armor yet.

“Fair point.” I say, pointing the screwdriver at him and laughing when he takes it from me and throwing it back into the toolbox.

I nod, setting the rag in the box as well. “I’m going to go talk to Ash, need anything else.” I say without thinking, already walking towards her spot.

“Shepa-”

I pause halfway there, it suddenly clicking. I turn around to look at Garrus. “Actually,” I start, tears threatening to spill. “I think I’m going to go shower. Talk to you later Garrus.” I state, turning around before the tears can fall.

I hear footfalls behind me before a hand grabs my shoulder, making no move to turn me around. “Shepard, if you need to talk, I’m here.” Garrus says before he removes his hand.

I nod, and continue walking towards the elevator, heading to my cabin, tears spilling as I walk pass Kaidan, not noticing the sad look he gives me as I walk past.

As soon as I shut the door to my cabin the tears start falling, not stopping. “Goddamnit!” I yell, punching the door and storming over to my desk and slamming down into the chair. I grab the pen and start writing.

 

* * *

 

Kaidan,

I went to talk to Ash, then I realised she was gone… I should've tried to help both of you.. should have sent Garrus and Wrex to help… goddamnit. I'm going to miss her, even if she and I butt heads from time to time. I think I'm going to go down to the docking bay and spar with Wrex to try and get back in the game..

Shepard.

 

* * *

 

I slam my fist against the shower wall, watching the oil and blood tint the water red as I stand under the waterfall. “Commander, Kaidan is at your cabin door, he’s been knocking for about ten minutes now.” Joker says through the comm.

“Okay Joker.” I say, my voice breaking.

“With all due respect Commander, are you okay?” Joker asks, concern lacing his voice.

I clear my throat and stand up, pushing the off button on the water. “I’m fine Joker, tell Kaidan I’ll let him in in a few minutes.” I state, walking out of the shower and looking in the mirror.

I sigh and grab the loose N7 t shirt and the dark grey sweatpants, pulling them on. Now that I’m out of the shower I can hear the knocking on the door. I groan, running a hand over my face and walk out of the bathroom towards the door. I open it, watching as Kaidan’s hand freezes mid-knock.

“Commander I-”

“Just come in Kaidan.” I say, already walking away from the door.

I settle on the bed, moving my notebook and pen and shutting off the music I had playing since last night. “Are you okay Commander?” He asks, moving into the cabin and stopping at the foot of the bed, avoiding the trail of water I tracked in from the bathroom.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” I ask, voice laced with bitterness.

“Because everyone’s concerned Shepard.” He states, moving around the bed to stand next to where I’m sitting.

I shake my head, tears forming again. “I’m fine Kaidan.” I state, voice full of lies.

“You’re not Shepard. I know when someone I care about is lying to me, not very well in fact.” He says, moving closer to put a hand on my shoulder as if asking if where he was was fine. 

I look up at him, tears leaving marks on my cheeks. “K-Kaidan.” I murmur, tears falling freely now. 

He puts a knee on the bed, urging me to move forward and sliding behind me when I do, he lays down and pulls me into his lap, letting me bury my face in his neck as he runs a hand up and down my back.

“It’s okay Shepard, I’m here.” He murmurs softly, carding his other hand through my hair.

I try to breathe and I can’t, the sobs restricting my breathing. “Hey, it’s okay. Focus on me huh? Follow my breathing okay?” He says, laying the hand that was running up and down my back flat on my shoulders. 

I take a shaky breath when he breathes in and an even shakier breath when he exhales. “That’s it Shepard.” He says calmly, pressing a light kiss to my forehead. “Just breathe.” 

After awhile my breathing evens out and I just lay against him, unwilling to move. “Stay.” I murmur as I press my face against his neck, hiding between his neck and shoulder.

He pauses his hand running through my hair and smiles down at me when I look at him. “I’m not leaving Commander.” He says softly, pressing another kiss to my forehead before moving down a little bit, allowing me to fully lay on his chest. 

He holds me still when I go to shift off of him and lay next to him. “You’re not heavy, you’re fine where you are.” He says quietly, wrapping an arm around my waist.

I nod slowly, resting my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. “Just sleep Shepard.”

I smile softly, the tears still lacing my cheeks, but they’ve stopped. For now.


	15. Letter Sixteen.

* * *

 

Kaidan,

The council is so fucking stupid! They grounded us like we're fucking children! And then Joker listens in on us. There's no damn privacy.

… on a different note Lt, I wasn't kidding I do need you. I've grown attached. I can't help it. You've become sort of like my rock, or I’d at least like to think you have. I'm looking forward to some actual shore leave not this grounded crap. I'm glad you're willing to be my shoulder, sometimes a girl just needs that you know, even if that girl is a Spectre trained soldier that doesn't give in. 

I hope to get at least one night with you Lt, even if it is just to talk to one another. I think talking with you has been the best part of this mission… I feel bad to admit that, but you've been my constant and I'm so glad you have and currently are. I never want to lose you LT. You've become too important to me, I don't think I can bare to lose another one I care about…. Not after Acuze….

Love,

Shepard.

 

* * *

 


	16. Letter Seventeen

* * *

Kaidan,

I can't believe Anderson was willing to do this. Just cut us loose. Remind me to send him a fruit basket if we get through this. 

Love,

Shepard.

 

* * *

 


	17. Letter Eighteen

    I look at Kaidan sleeping peacefully on the bed, the music player shining a soft light on the covers, causing me to smile as I pick up my notebook and pen. I sit on the desk, setting the notebook in my lap as I start sketching as the relay light shines through the window.

* * *

 

Kaidan,

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so peaceful as you do right now, last night was incredible, definitely better than everything I’ve experienced, although I’m pretty sure a little part of it has to do with both of us being Biotics. It was amazing, I feel bad taking you on this mission, I almost considered taking just Garrus and Tali just because I’m so scared of losing you, but I know. You want to be there with me, and I respect that. If I don’t make it back, Garrus knows that there’s some things at my place that he’s to give you, I think I’ll hide these though, I’m not sure you’ll be ready to see them if I… You know, hopefully I do make it.

    If I don’t, I’m glad I got to be with you LT. To be honest, there was a little battle for you between Williams and I, it was a friendly bicker, but it was a battle nevertheless, it was funny actually.

    One night I was in the crew showers and all of a sudden I hear Ash go.

    “Commander, I want to know if there’s anything between you and Lieutenant Alenko ma’am.”

    I chuckled, but told her I hoped so, considering the fact I’d been shamelessly flirting, she laughed and told me she knew. Said it was like watching two teenagers figure out who they were once they realised they liked each other, apparently there had been a bet on when we’d get together.

    Garrus won, are you surprised? I wasn’t.

    I hope I make it back, if not, Kaidan Alenko, I love you.

Connor Shepard.

 

* * *

 

 


	18. Letter Nineteen.

“Well that went well.” Garrus says as I work on unhooking my armor pieces, ignoring the blood scattered across it. 

Kaidan glares at him as he sits down across from me in the shuttle. “You okay Shepard.”

I nod, setting my arm plates down in the seat next to me as Garrus spies the blood on my abdomen before Kaidan does. His eyes narrow and he sits down next to Kaidan when I glare at him. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I say with a slight sting in my voice as I lean over to unhook my leg guards. 

“Are you sure Shepard? You sound in pain.” Garrus supplies, pointing to my abdomen, growling when I kick him.

“I’m fine boys, seriously, just need to get aboard the Normandy.” I state, letting my leg guards join my arm plates on the seat next to me.

“What? So Chakwas can check out your side.”

“Garrus!” I snap, hand immediately flying to my side to cover the hole in my armor.

“Shepard?” Kaidan asks curiously, already shifting my armor out of the seat next to me and forcing me to sit back against the seat to look at my side. “Move your hand.”

“No.” I growl, putting more pressure on the wound.

“Shepard, as your partner, please move your hand.” He growls back, grabbing my wrist and adding some biotics to help him move it away from my bleeding side.

“Garrus ETA to the Normandy?” Kaidan asks as he prods at my side, causing me to whine in pain. 

I see the light of Garrus’ omni-tool flare up before he’s clearing his throat. “About five minutes Kaidan, should I send word to Chakwas?”

Kaidan nods and sits down next to me, placing his hand on the wound and putting pressure on it. “We’ll be there soon Shepard.”

Garrus gets up and grabs a pack of medi-gel from the first aid kit stationed above the pilot entrance. “Here.” He says, tossing the pack to Kaidan, uses his teeth to tear it open and starts administering it directly causing me to hiss in pain.

“It’s okay Shep, almost there.” He soothes as I hear the landing sound of the exhaust of the shuttle.

The door opens and Liara’s right there with Chakwas. “You boys were supposed to keep her safe and she comes home with a hole.” Liara snaps as she checks over me with her omni-tool as Kaidan picks me up causing me to groan and bury my face in his chest.

“Hey we had nothing to do with this.” Garrus says as he grabs my armor plates out of the floor and follows Kaidan and I out of the shuttle.

“Right.” I murmur as my vision starts darkening.

“Take her straight to the medbay Lieutenant, and start ridding her of her armor, I need to be able to get to her side.” Chakwas explains as she follows the two of us.

“Aye aye Doctor.” He replies and hits the lift button with his elbow. “You’re gonna be alright Shepard. Stay awake for me yeah?”

I nod slowly against his chest and groan when the lift stops suddenly and he starts moving again. 

When we reach the medbay Chakwas rushes ahead and clears off a table that I’m quickly set on and Kaidan starts unhooking my armor, being especially careful around my waist armor.

I try to roll onto my side, but he leans against me, keeping me flat on my back. “Alenko… Stop.” I state, still trying to move over. 

“I’m going to give her a light sedative, it’ll stop the pain and help start her body healing.” Chakwas says and I shake my head, not wanting to sleep.

“Doc no. Just fix me and let me stand up.” I mutter, moving to sit up, but groaning in pain and falling back onto the table with a thud.

I feel the needle before I feel the effects of the sedative. “Ouch.” I mutter as I grab Kaidan’s hand and grip it tightly, not wanting to let go. 

“Don’t leave.” I murmur as the sedative takes over and the last thing I see is him nodding as Garrus kicks a chair over and he sits down.

 

* * *

 

Kaidan,

I just now woke up from the sedative, my side still hurts like hell, but it’s better. I'm glad that mission went well, I'm going to be feeling that for the next year. When I finally shook myself back to the present and made my way over the rubble. Don't think I didn't miss that dopey grin on your face LT. 

I think we'll be getting that shore leave Mr. Alenko. If we don't, I'm staging a coup.

Love,

Connor.

* * *

 

 

 

A knock on the door startles me from my notebook. “Come in.” I say, voice cracking from the grogginess of the sedative still in effect.

The door opens and I sit up against the headboard, setting the notebook on the side table. “Hi Kaidan.” I murmur softly, staring at the sheets covering my legs.

“Commander.” He states, moving towards the foot of the bed. “You should’ve told me.” He mutters, letting his hands rest on the blanket spread over the bottom of the bed where I kicked it in my sleep.

I shrug softly, patting the spot beside me. “I’m sorry… I’m just not used to having someone care.” I state, shifting when he sits down next to me and throws an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side.

“Well I care, and I want to know when you’re hurting. Alright?” He says, carding a hand through my hair.

“Alright.” 

“Movie?”

I shake my head, curling further into his side and pulling the blanket around the both of us. “What have you heard about Acuze?” I ask softly, scared to raise my voice to normal levels.

“Just that you were the only one out, fifty marines lost to a Thresher Maw.” He says, continuing to play with my hair.

“I lost my best friend that day.” I say, shifting away from him.

He nods, waiting for me to continue.

“His name was Symon, best friend a marine could ask for. He was kind of an idiot, but he was my idiot you know. He was the first to notice there was a Thresher, no one was paying attention, I- I was the reason they weren’t paying attention….” I say, carrying off at the end, tears quietly pouring down my cheeks.

“What’d you do?” He asks, using the hand that was playing with my hair to get rid of tears.

“We were sparring, I went up against this hothead we called Gunner. He liked Symon and had it in his head that if he defeated me, Symon would see him for something different.. Everyone was watching us when Symon came in running, screaming for everyone to move out… We thought it was another one of his practical jokes, so we continued sparring. It wasn’t until he climbed into the ring and punched me across the face that I realised he wasn’t kidding… I lost a lot of good men that day. But the reason I made it out was because Symon had an obsession with rocket launchers.”

“He didn’t make it? Even with you as his XO?” Kaidan questions, sitting up next to me.

I shake my head, the tears falling off my cheeks and hitting the sheets.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here.” He says, pulling me into his lap and leaning back, smiling softly at me.

“I miss him, I know he’d want me to move on, but Ash reminded me of him so much and then she died too… I miss them both.” I state, burying my head in the junction between his neck and shoulder. 

He runs a hand down his back. “I know Shepard.” 

“Connor.” 

“I know Connor.”


End file.
